The Girls' Guide to a Bad Breakup, 20 minutes out of the gate
Well, it had to happen. My relationship with David has gone bung.... or bad....whatever the shit is.
Two days before a wedding, we go for the mother of all cliches - "take a break", that is. I thought it was bad enough having to fight him down from a month break to only a week. I mean, does the fool seriously think I would let this shit drag out that long? Life is tough enough 1 week a month as it is. But, the worst part was, post hang-up, realizing that I then had to call the bride to be and tell her that I definitely was not bringing that Cockbite. Luckily, I hit the rsvp jackpot - voice mail pickup.
Lemme, recap it for you all....
"Uh, hey Susan. Hey, Mike. It's Willoughby. Susan, I am calling you at about 8:45 on Thursday night. Listen, Susan, I am so sorry to do this, but I am calling to let you know that David will not be coming with me to the wedding. I uh, I know that I told you today that he was, but....... he isn't. I am so sorry,.....Susan". (This is where I take a breathe and actually say something about hysteria and then not wanting to worry the bride and certainly not wanting to be caught on tape crying, especially since the grooms cousin and best friend, both of whom I have semi-dated, will be at the wedding - I specify that I am not hysterical but Judy Garland sure is) And then I wind up with "But he does send his best to you both Susan and Mike- and I will be there double the fun, double the joy, double the dance." Yes, I actually said I was going to be "double the dance".
Right, going to bust open a bottle o'wine right now and then root around the medicine cabinet for my evening meal.
The only redeeming thing about this whole scenario is that I've got lots to write about - LOTS. And guess what, scads of it is about CB and it ain't pretty. Coat cho'self in abstestos friend, 'cause you might be getting hot soon!
Two days before a wedding, we go for the mother of all cliches - "take a break", that is. I thought it was bad enough having to fight him down from a month break to only a week. I mean, does the fool seriously think I would let this shit drag out that long? Life is tough enough 1 week a month as it is. But, the worst part was, post hang-up, realizing that I then had to call the bride to be and tell her that I definitely was not bringing that Cockbite. Luckily, I hit the rsvp jackpot - voice mail pickup.
Lemme, recap it for you all....
"Uh, hey Susan. Hey, Mike. It's Willoughby. Susan, I am calling you at about 8:45 on Thursday night. Listen, Susan, I am so sorry to do this, but I am calling to let you know that David will not be coming with me to the wedding. I uh, I know that I told you today that he was, but....... he isn't. I am so sorry,.....Susan". (This is where I take a breathe and actually say something about hysteria and then not wanting to worry the bride and certainly not wanting to be caught on tape crying, especially since the grooms cousin and best friend, both of whom I have semi-dated, will be at the wedding - I specify that I am not hysterical but Judy Garland sure is) And then I wind up with "But he does send his best to you both Susan and Mike- and I will be there double the fun, double the joy, double the dance." Yes, I actually said I was going to be "double the dance".
Right, going to bust open a bottle o'wine right now and then root around the medicine cabinet for my evening meal.
The only redeeming thing about this whole scenario is that I've got lots to write about - LOTS. And guess what, scads of it is about CB and it ain't pretty. Coat cho'self in abstestos friend, 'cause you might be getting hot soon!
posted by Etiquette Girl at 9:08 PM
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