The Girls' Guide to a Bad Breakup, 20 minutes out of the gate

Well, it had to happen. My relationship with David has gone bung.... or bad....whatever the shit is.

Two days before a wedding, we go for the mother of all cliches - "take a break", that is. I thought it was bad enough having to fight him down from a month break to only a week. I mean, does the fool seriously think I would let this shit drag out that long? Life is tough enough 1 week a month as it is. But, the worst part was, post hang-up, realizing that I then had to call the bride to be and tell her that I definitely was not bringing that Cockbite. Luckily, I hit the rsvp jackpot - voice mail pickup.

Lemme, recap it for you all....

"Uh, hey Susan. Hey, Mike. It's Willoughby. Susan, I am calling you at about 8:45 on Thursday night. Listen, Susan, I am so sorry to do this, but I am calling to let you know that David will not be coming with me to the wedding. I uh, I know that I told you today that he was, but....... he isn't. I am so sorry,.....Susan". (This is where I take a breathe and actually say something about hysteria and then not wanting to worry the bride and certainly not wanting to be caught on tape crying, especially since the grooms cousin and best friend, both of whom I have semi-dated, will be at the wedding - I specify that I am not hysterical but Judy Garland sure is) And then I wind up with "But he does send his best to you both Susan and Mike- and I will be there double the fun, double the joy, double the dance." Yes, I actually said I was going to be "double the dance".

Right, going to bust open a bottle o'wine right now and then root around the medicine cabinet for my evening meal.
The only redeeming thing about this whole scenario is that I've got lots to write about - LOTS. And guess what, scads of it is about CB and it ain't pretty. Coat cho'self in abstestos friend, 'cause you might be getting hot soon!

A list of things that randomly count

Phrases and or words that I do not like:

Cluster-fuck (Brings to mind a bunch of squirrels doing illegal stuff)
Beef-cake (Here I literally envision a cake of beef.)
Kid(s) (As in, "My kid here ain't never been in no trouble.")
Bucks (As in, "This suit, this suit, it ran me something like 150 bucks." Well, when you spend in stratospheric levels don't you think you owe it to yourself to go with the more traditional wording of "dollars".)
Teats - It's just rude and I still don't know how farmers and vetrinarians can utter it without reddening.

Funny titles for books:
"Stephen Falls, but Stephanie Cries: Crisscross Signals in Fraternal Twins"
" 'Is It Okay to Kiss My Really Hot Cousin?' Etiquette Lessons for the Modern Teen"
" 'You need a chastity belt'! (Un)Kindly Advice from Grandmas"
" 'My Life's Work Here is Done.' The Life of Colette Wikey—America's Pre-eminent Crochet Artist"
"New Faces, Places and Positions, 2003: Dade County's Police Prostitution Log Book"
" 'So Wrong, So Right'....The Lives of Gunner and Hunter Nelson"
"The 5 Year Old Executive: Teaching your Child to Raise Himself"
"Community Living: A Concept Espoused by People with Limited Ambition"
"Sea Monkeys and Other Shit That was Disappointing"
"10 Arguments for the Roadie's Lifestyle (Plus 4 FRICKIN' AWESOME photos)"
"Wiggity, Wiggity, Whaaaaa? The Definitive Rapper's Hand-Book"

My personal favorite:
" 'No, I won't let you boss me around anymore!': Verbal strategies to disengage bullies"
Plus it's exciting sequel:
" 'Gimme the Glock!!: Moving beyond words"


Good names for movie characters:
Twitch LaChaise
Scotty Potomac (hint: not Scottie's real name)
Johm "The Metronome" Kasamagis
Joanna Pochadis

Hello World!

Hmmm - my favorite thing to type when I don't know quite where to start..... Hmm.

Okay, so this is what this site aims to do: a spot where a little ole fish can post her thoughts about life, love and work in the big city, as well as the occassional rambling thought inspired by insomnia.

Where to begin? Well, the beginning is a good place to begin. (That's coped from some Disney movie - the tea party or croquette tournament from Alice in Wonderland, maybe). I'm a young lady living large in the city. To clarify, I am living in the city. However, living large might be a term too positive, too expansive, too cheekily entitled to actually fit myself. Best left to the left coast hopefuls.

Upbringing - painfully repressed WASP
Sibling - check (2 boys. Yes, I am the only daughter and middle child. Birth order to be a topic of discussion later)
Parents - check (One ma, one pa. Geographical location of duo is also to be discussed. Perhaps ad nauseum.... depending
Schooling - 4 hellacious years at a ladies college. Although I did love those art history classes as well as tous les cours Francais.
Status - about to become unhinged (from what or who you might ask? More later! I've got 30 years of catch-up round the fireplace with you all.

I love you, friends but- I've got to leave this party.

Willowisp