A Man and his Ashes = Mashes????

Why did watching Joel Osteen preach at 12:30 in the morning reduce me to tears? He's a slick willy and his wife Victoria, armed in a leather, persimmon colored Talbots jackets, and probably some pretty naugh-tay lingerie, weirdly reminds me of Lynn Cheney. But he, the little man, talked fast, consulted his notes only a few times and strangely, made enought points that I forgot that his congregation of 16,000 wasn't sitting in some converted Astro-dome in Texas. (No time here lamenting the highprice of wine and bread concession eats.) No purchase of his books or DVDs, nor contributions to his endorsed charities or church itself, but I must admit, his point about moving on from the past and leaving our pains, our hurts (our "ashes" as Victoria probably convinced him to say) merits consideration.

But it's 4 am and I'm not quite sure if I am working tomorrow, so, let me wrap up on these things that I really should be considering right now:

Why did I try to watch "Titanic" again? It just was so damn awful.... Was the hysteria about the film really so great that the J. Peterman catalogue made and probably sold several copies of Rose's trousseau?

Is the lightheadedness that I keep feeling from lack of sleep, from taking a full Tylenol PM last night?

What was the truly funny thought I had the other night that involved a modern day update of the Dallas season finale... the one with a sudsed up Bobby Ewing in the shower saying "Hello Sue-Ellen".....

Was anyone ever actually named Sue-Ellen? Wa

Somethings I MUST write

Dag, I gotta write this. Otherwise this shiz-nit is going to burn me up and I only got room for some loves in me life.

Okay, what the freaking, frickety, frack does Cock bite think he is doing, going on-line on Match.com and using as his primary picture, the one picture that we took together? I mean, isn't there some sort of proprietary interest that I maintain in this image - particularly since I happen to be standing next to him, and presumably because I was the reason he was smiling so generously and most certainly because I provided the very place in which the image was taken.... (Oh yeah, he's not going to anymore cool film parties.)

Damn - Part of me wants to call him uncircumcised ass up and unleash hell. I mean, yeah, go for it , move on, (heck I was even on the same damn website myself) but just don't use that picure. Consolation is that it just goes to underline how freaking unbelievable out of touch he is, and that pretty much every other female in the city would agree with me.

The other part of me is highly upset that one moment he is declaring he just thinks he probably is going to be a loner for the rest of his life and then there he is there very next moment. Trying to troll for the ladies (well, guess what girls, he might bring some interesting traits to the table, but he's not.............. alone. He's plus one, if you get my drift - see paragraph 3 for a hint.

Okay, that felt good and I just might come back to add more.

Well, I gotta go watch "Will and Grace" - Lee Majors is guest starring and he is only trumped by Tom Selleck.

PS: Today I explored the possibilities of visiting a certain voodoo doctor in the Bronx - thanks to a gracious tip by my boss's sister's, sister in law's hostkeeper.

Some excellent oldies but goodies

"Bright Eyes"
"Bette Davis Eyes"
"Sexual Healing"
"Buttercup"
"Let the River Run" Carly Simon
"Working for the weekend"
"Pour some sugar on me" Def Leopard
"I think we're alone now" - Tiffany - yes.... I wrote that.


Most of these need attribution - only time is needed.....

Get your mind around this shit...

Regarding the recent trend of people inking themselves with Asian characters - "peace", "strength", "wisdom", etc. What are the chances that there are a good number of Asian people deciding to go with Western phrases? Slim, but let's yet ponder the possibilites:

"Clay Aiken"
"Bite here, Marv Albert"
"Nascar"
"I'm a Fan-ilow"
"Bootylicious"
"Bernie Goetz - Subway Vigilante"

Somehow the sentiments, the glorious achievements and knowledge culled throughout centuries of a culture's existence, fail to emerge.

My list of story lines - patented

Okay, not so much story lines, but rather details....

A mother, married already 4 times, who can't seem to remember the name of her fifth husband.
A son who announces his imminent release from jail with "change of address cards"
A father, brilliant, yet bumbling at times. He decides one day to repave the driveway, using the car as a steamroller to set the gravel. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, backkkk an' fortthhhhhhhh.
A black sheep cousin who lives in Arizona - waiter by day, host of a astrological cable access show by night. He calls himself "astro-fag" and make plentiful use of chiffon and back-lighting. "The cards tell me that there's a big ole planet moving into your galaxy. Well, my goodness, can you believe it's uranus?"

My thoughts to London

Oh, how terrible to know that another country has had such an experience. My thoughts to you all there - to those who experienced it directly, as well as everyone else.

Sadness can sometimes be hypnotizing.

The Girls' Guide to a Bad Breakup, 20 minutes out of the gate

Well, it had to happen. My relationship with David has gone bung.... or bad....whatever the shit is.

Two days before a wedding, we go for the mother of all cliches - "take a break", that is. I thought it was bad enough having to fight him down from a month break to only a week. I mean, does the fool seriously think I would let this shit drag out that long? Life is tough enough 1 week a month as it is. But, the worst part was, post hang-up, realizing that I then had to call the bride to be and tell her that I definitely was not bringing that Cockbite. Luckily, I hit the rsvp jackpot - voice mail pickup.

Lemme, recap it for you all....

"Uh, hey Susan. Hey, Mike. It's Willoughby. Susan, I am calling you at about 8:45 on Thursday night. Listen, Susan, I am so sorry to do this, but I am calling to let you know that David will not be coming with me to the wedding. I uh, I know that I told you today that he was, but....... he isn't. I am so sorry,.....Susan". (This is where I take a breathe and actually say something about hysteria and then not wanting to worry the bride and certainly not wanting to be caught on tape crying, especially since the grooms cousin and best friend, both of whom I have semi-dated, will be at the wedding - I specify that I am not hysterical but Judy Garland sure is) And then I wind up with "But he does send his best to you both Susan and Mike- and I will be there double the fun, double the joy, double the dance." Yes, I actually said I was going to be "double the dance".

Right, going to bust open a bottle o'wine right now and then root around the medicine cabinet for my evening meal.
The only redeeming thing about this whole scenario is that I've got lots to write about - LOTS. And guess what, scads of it is about CB and it ain't pretty. Coat cho'self in abstestos friend, 'cause you might be getting hot soon!

A list of things that randomly count

Phrases and or words that I do not like:

Cluster-fuck (Brings to mind a bunch of squirrels doing illegal stuff)
Beef-cake (Here I literally envision a cake of beef.)
Kid(s) (As in, "My kid here ain't never been in no trouble.")
Bucks (As in, "This suit, this suit, it ran me something like 150 bucks." Well, when you spend in stratospheric levels don't you think you owe it to yourself to go with the more traditional wording of "dollars".)
Teats - It's just rude and I still don't know how farmers and vetrinarians can utter it without reddening.

Funny titles for books:
"Stephen Falls, but Stephanie Cries: Crisscross Signals in Fraternal Twins"
" 'Is It Okay to Kiss My Really Hot Cousin?' Etiquette Lessons for the Modern Teen"
" 'You need a chastity belt'! (Un)Kindly Advice from Grandmas"
" 'My Life's Work Here is Done.' The Life of Colette Wikey—America's Pre-eminent Crochet Artist"
"New Faces, Places and Positions, 2003: Dade County's Police Prostitution Log Book"
" 'So Wrong, So Right'....The Lives of Gunner and Hunter Nelson"
"The 5 Year Old Executive: Teaching your Child to Raise Himself"
"Community Living: A Concept Espoused by People with Limited Ambition"
"Sea Monkeys and Other Shit That was Disappointing"
"10 Arguments for the Roadie's Lifestyle (Plus 4 FRICKIN' AWESOME photos)"
"Wiggity, Wiggity, Whaaaaa? The Definitive Rapper's Hand-Book"

My personal favorite:
" 'No, I won't let you boss me around anymore!': Verbal strategies to disengage bullies"
Plus it's exciting sequel:
" 'Gimme the Glock!!: Moving beyond words"


Good names for movie characters:
Twitch LaChaise
Scotty Potomac (hint: not Scottie's real name)
Johm "The Metronome" Kasamagis
Joanna Pochadis

Hello World!

Hmmm - my favorite thing to type when I don't know quite where to start..... Hmm.

Okay, so this is what this site aims to do: a spot where a little ole fish can post her thoughts about life, love and work in the big city, as well as the occassional rambling thought inspired by insomnia.

Where to begin? Well, the beginning is a good place to begin. (That's coped from some Disney movie - the tea party or croquette tournament from Alice in Wonderland, maybe). I'm a young lady living large in the city. To clarify, I am living in the city. However, living large might be a term too positive, too expansive, too cheekily entitled to actually fit myself. Best left to the left coast hopefuls.

Upbringing - painfully repressed WASP
Sibling - check (2 boys. Yes, I am the only daughter and middle child. Birth order to be a topic of discussion later)
Parents - check (One ma, one pa. Geographical location of duo is also to be discussed. Perhaps ad nauseum.... depending
Schooling - 4 hellacious years at a ladies college. Although I did love those art history classes as well as tous les cours Francais.
Status - about to become unhinged (from what or who you might ask? More later! I've got 30 years of catch-up round the fireplace with you all.

I love you, friends but- I've got to leave this party.

Willowisp